I've been thinking a lot more about "communication" lately as it seems to be a relative term. Some people will take your comments as intended (and this is not just through written prose but in real life as well), without emotional attachment or judgment and be at peace with an alternative opinion.  But some people require your consideration, to avoid certain terms or words in order that they be less distracted and be able to hear your words.  I can understand that ... but there has to be a line at some point. And that line is when you find yourself = not being yourself.  When you can no longer "communicate" with an individual while maintaining the integrity of who you really are, then the time has come to move on from that relationship.  I have to admit, sometimes, that's a sad option. Other times, it a relief.  Either way, it's the adult decision to make and it must be made.  The alternative is oppressive (censorship) and fabricated (acting).

That spawns so many other thoughts:

Blame it all on Facebook and discontinue the use of social media as a source for communication? Then that begs the question, what's the fall back option?  Who reads blogs anyway? E-mail? If I had the time to write personal notes, I'd dedicate that time to updating the baby books I'm so far behind on :).

But what about when you are in person?  Become that quiet, contemplative sort that never really says anything or shares any thoughts?  Bound by the fear that you might say something "wrong" and irrevocably offend someone, anyone. Is that being yourself, really, and how can you grow midst that sort of censorship? No one really gets to know you and you are less likely to find like-minded individuals that you might begin to spawn a deeper friendship with.

The problem with people getting their feelings hurt and trying to impose their comfort levels on you (assuming you aren't INTENTIONALLY trying to hurt them) is it becomes a "he said, she said" issue.  Who is really right? Who's comfort level trumps the other's?  Both cannot be happy so who gets the candy? What about this, if indeed (Prov. 17:17) "A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity." and (1 Corinthians 13): "⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love envies not; love flaunts not itself and is not puffed up, ⁵ does not behave itself improperly, seeks not its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.", then it would seem that through love, a friend shouldn't ever become offended.  (Proverbs 17:8-10) "⁹ Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends."

I find the heart is the main source of relationship resolutions. It really boils down to intent.  If I have no intent to hurt anyone by what comes from my mouth, and I have tested the spirit and taken reasonable assessment of what I am about to say ... then any offense taken at that point is the responsibility of the offended, not the offender. And, at the risk of sounding harsh, their intentions need to be evaluated for righteousness.

Another question: why friends anyway?  Do we need them? Seems like, on the whole, they are more trouble than they are worth.

While I won't say we "need" them, I will say they are intended for us to be a blessing. And it is through those relationship challenges with them that we learn how to change the things about us that need changing, accepting others precisely for who they are without expecting change, and to practice knowing when paths have divided and it is just time to move on. Oh, and to not be resentful when they do overstep the boundaries of love through accusations or emotional outbursts.

All that being said, should I re-purpose my social media forums?  Or do I continue forth, ignoring fear of reprisal, and do my best to express my heart in the most truthful manner and if that blesses others, then so be it.  I've been told my Facebook page is a ministry, I guess all my relationships are in one way or another of varying degrees.  For now, I press on.  For how long?  Only Yah knows.

I have been judged as being rude and inconsiderate. Since that is purely a perception and opinion understood per person, I cannot wholly deny that.

I will, however, say something I've been saying nearly all my life: I don't care about your feelings. Since I don't actively go out of my way to HURT anyone's feelings, I cannot concern myself with whether or not something I do or say will be perceived with the intent to hurt. And if you do not believe that I do not intend to hurt, I cannot change that either. So I do not spend excess energy trying to prove my heart to people that have decided to perceive me as evil. I only stand by their right to unfriend me, either on the web or real life.

 Those that are left can expect I am real, honest and do not mince words. No, we will not agree on everything and I respect your opposing position.  All I ask is for the same respect when I don't agree with you.

The drama unfolds

Every challenge in life can be met with either emotional drama responses ... or the choice to grow and learn.  I typically employ the first to get it out of my system so the second can be more fruitful.

I have a long history of repeatedly being exposed to events that result in my being accused wrongfully of some evil doing.  Since I was about 4 or 5, this has repeatedly been occurring in my life.

Now, YHVH and I have had long conversations about why this keeps happening. His simple answer is, "Because it will until you get over it."  Ahhh, so it's my Achilles heal, then?  Pretty much.  But it's something that can be healed and grown beyond.

I am faced with it again and a friendship hangs in the balance.  Now, the main issue in this case is I have proclaimed my innocence and have been disbelieved.  That simply equates to: I'm a liar. Now, I have for many years understood I have absolutely NO power to change a person's mind and I support their right to think whatever they want about me so I don't waste too much effort or energy on trying to prove my innocence. The interesting additional aspect of this is that I ACTUALLY HAVE AN ALIBI!!!  But no, it doesn't make sense to the other party that I couldn't have done it, it makes more sense to assume the worst of me.

Fine.  You will believe what you believe.  Disregard years of history to the contrary, disregard years of conversations discussing my belief system and how I regard liars, disregard any evidence in bulk that directly contradicts your current belief that this situation is the golden egg.  Oh, and make sure you go back through history and assign other instances in which this similar thing COULD have happened and rewrite that to back up your evidence. 

I think that often times people fail to put things in perspective and I KNOW people don't see the real issue 93.97% of the time.  So what is the real issue here?  What can I learn from this?

Well, the issue is where to go from here, really.  Because the friendship is damaged and must either be repaired or buried.

So is the issue the event that started this ball rolling? No, that was inconsequential to say the least.  The issue is: I can't continue a friendship in where my word means nothing.  I don't lie, but if you believe I do, we cannot be friends.  Simple.  I will not continue a relationship wondering when the next event will occur that you will judge me at fault and I will be found guilty without justification.

Interestingly, I can let go of a friendship and let anyone believe I'm a liar.  I still despise being falsely accused and Scripture backs me up on that (even the 10 big ones address false witness).  But I can once again take this event, deal with it in adult manner and let things unfold as YHVH wills.  My challenge is to be at peace no matter what becomes of this - even to the point of forgiving and moving forward in the friendship ... which has the potential to make it stronger if indeed it is not destroyed beyond repair. 

As for me, I forgive so the Father in heaven can continue to forgive me.  And I know in the end, the truth will be made known no matter what anyone else assumes of me.  And that is where my peace lies.

Facebook s*(%s!

Anyone posting to Facebook with their own thoughts that has more than 20 friends has likely come up against this: you share a thought, perhaps something you find to be an epiphany pertinent to your own personal growth and BAM! someone thinks you are personally attacking them and spends time "putting you in your place".

If you are like me, your first reaction is simply: confusion.  What? Did I do something? Say something?  I mean, other than what I posted that is ... You reread your post and it means the same thing to you that it did when you posted it.  You try to take yourself out of the equation and find something nefarious about it.  As a last resort, you have others read it (for me, it's my hubby :) ).

Okay, so somewhere in between the lines you MIGHT be able to assign the intent of harm in a gossipy manner - because of timing and content being similar to a conversation you were around or could have overheard. But who wants to step on eggshells, on their OWN page, when all they are trying to do is communicate a thought?  An imperfect thought, sure, but seriously?  Should every post be preceded by the disclaimer, "All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental."?  So much for my right to free speech.

And worse, trying to figure the whole thing out and now a friendship hangs in the balance.  Over a Facebook post about something REALLY inconsequential.  Like, "I like green eggs and ham."  You are hammered with your lack of culinary expertise on said cuisine, or maybe it's just not enough in their eyes - whatever, you were obviously unqualified to make said statement.  On your own page. Never mind it's a personal opinion.  It has to be fact or you can't post it.  And make sure you cite three scientifically vetted studies to back you up.  Better yet, just quote them and keep your personal wording to yourself.

And that is why Facebook is over-run with Memes, quotes and videos now. No one has the balls to have their own thoughts about things anymore.  Why should they when adults checked their potential adulthood at the door in high school and never outgrew the petty spatting.  I swear, meet me with a good argument that is both well-thought out and presented without emotion, and I may still disagree with you ... but at least you'll have my respect.

And that's all any of us want really. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  :)

P.S. Why can't I turn off this stupid highlighting?!!?!?!?

Pain in the Neck

So I woke up today a little late.  Went to bed late again then Hannah threw up around 4am so I had to get that all squared away.  She was so polite about the whole affair though, super cute how she asked if her bed was dry after her shower and new jammies.  The laundry seems to be my main focus today but not sure how much will actually get done since I crinked my neck in bed and can't turn to the right.  Amazing how such a little thing can cramp your entire program.

I told Naomi she could practice making bread and braiding it again today for Shabbat.  I have some store bought ravioli I was thinking of making for dinner but we had spaghetti last night ... I really need to work on my menu.

I hear the smallest one stirring from her morning nap and time to get the kitchen under control.

Oh, and I did yogurt again last night but I used a powder.  Not sure if it worked.  Tastes kind of cheesy rather than yogurt-y.

I tried to sign up for some ad stuff so I could get some traffic on here and it said I didn't have enough content.  I guess I should make more of a habit of updating or adding stuff then, huh?

Today I tried out the Pioneer Woman's corn dog recipe.  I really liked the cornbread part, probably going to be my new goto for that.  I need to work on a pancake recipe as well.

I feel super drug out today ... I really need to be getting to bed earlier.  It's tough with Benjamin's schedule being all over the place.  There's something to be said for structure.

New layout

So I'm trying to figure out what to do with this blog.  I'm thinking I might use it as my website if I can figure out how to promote it, etc.  AND as a replacement for big brother - I mean, Facebook.  I guess I do have things to share and offer regarding what I've learned, books I've read, etc.  Probably would keep most stuff short and sweet because I know how challenging it can be to read anything more than 1500 words at any given point in time.

So I'll see what I can figure out :)

Test photo of the moon pads I make included.  Find them for sale at: Moon Pads