Logic Exercise

Logic exercise; someone is offended by something you have said.  Note: you did not intentionally say anything in order to attack them or in any way hurt them.  You were expressing your opinion on a topic.

Since they became offended, you study what that means to determine your next course of action:

Offense: resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.

Hmmm, you obviously insulted them.  Note the "perceived" issue.  So regardless of your intent, they perceived it as a personal attack against them in some way.

Insult: speak to or treat with disrespect or scornful abuse.

Which led to them feeling disrespected. To have accomplished this, you would have had to intend to disrespect.  Another intentional act.

Disrespect: lack of respect or courtesy.

Somehow, you were unable to discern that they might feel your comments were personal and as a result you were speaking purely in a manner that you should have known would upset them.  So you must be a mind reader.

Courtesy: a courteous, respectful, or considerate act or expression.

Sigh.  How do you apply courtesy, then?

Considerate: showing kindly awareness or regard for another's feelings, circumstances, etc

Ahh, there is it.  Awareness.  So you have to either have the ability to read their mind and/or heart to understand how they would perceive your comments or apply some basic cultural guidance or a historically deep friendship.  That would be the only way to have avoided this entire confrontation. 

That being noted, reviewing the conversation you stand on the fact that you did not intentionally say anything with an unkind heart.  Can you still be held accountable as being inconsiderate when the perception of insult is entirely on the side of the offended party?  Perhaps there is guidance in scripture ...

What the Bible says about offense:

Proverbs 19:11 

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 

Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.

Leviticus 19:18 

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...

Galatians 6:1-3 

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

Matthew 7:1-5 

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Proverbs 27:5-6 

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

1 Peter 2:23 

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

James 1:19 

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

So the emphasis does not appear to be on the offender but the offended.  Does it makes sense then that you are not at fault for causing unintentional offense?  And that if a brother or sister IS indeed offended, that that is an issue they must deal with through forgiveness and unconditional love?

But let's continue ...

What does scripture say about insult?

Nothing.  The word is not translated in the whole of the Bible.

Disrespect?

Nope.

Courtesy:

Ephesians 4:29 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:32 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Matthew 7:12 ESV /

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

What, then, is the conclusion?

First understanding would be that if the one making the offending statement had not intended to cause harm, they are, essentially without fault.  The one taking offense should look within themselves for the cause of that perceived offense and use it as an opportunity to forgive and express love in its purest form.  Finally, there IS an answer in scripture for modern, everyday events and it is a wonderful mediator for just these types of conflicts.

2 Timothy 3:16 

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

Acts 5:29 

But Peter and the apostles answered, We must obey God rather than men.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,