Logic exercise; someone is offended by
something you have said. Note: you did
not intentionally say anything in order to attack them or in any way hurt them.
You were expressing your opinion on a topic.
Since they became offended, you study what that means to determine your next course of action:
Offense:
resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
Hmmm, you obviously insulted them. Note the "perceived" issue. So regardless of your intent, they perceived
it as a personal attack against them in some way.
Insult: speak to or treat with
disrespect or scornful abuse.
Which led to them feeling disrespected.
To have accomplished this, you would have had to intend to disrespect. Another intentional act.
Disrespect: lack of
respect or courtesy.
Somehow, you were unable to discern that
they might feel your comments were personal and as a result you were speaking
purely in a manner that you should have known would upset them. So you must be a mind reader.
Courtesy: a
courteous, respectful, or considerate
act or expression.
Sigh.
How do you apply courtesy, then?
Considerate: showing
kindly awareness or regard for another's feelings, circumstances, etc
Ahh, there is it. Awareness.
So you have to either have the ability to read their mind and/or heart
to understand how they would perceive your comments or apply some basic
cultural guidance or a historically deep friendship. That would be the only way to have avoided
this entire confrontation.
That being noted, reviewing the
conversation you stand on the fact that you did not intentionally say anything
with an unkind heart. Can you still be
held accountable as being inconsiderate when the perception of insult is
entirely on the side of the offended party?
Perhaps there is guidance in scripture ...
What the Bible says about offense:
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to
overlook an offense
Ecclesiastes
7:21-22
Do not
take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant
cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.
Leviticus
19:18
You
shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people,
but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
1
Corinthians 13:1-13
If I
speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong
or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all
mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove
mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I
deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is
patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It
does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...
Galatians
6:1-3
Brothers,
if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore
him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone
thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
Matthew
7:1-5
“Judge
not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be
judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see
the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in
your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of
your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the
log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of
your brother's eye.
Proverbs
27:5-6
Better
is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse
are the kisses of an enemy.
1
Peter 2:23
When he
was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not
threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
James
1:19
Know
this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak,
slow to anger;
So the emphasis does not appear
to be on the offender but the offended. Does
it makes sense then that you are not at fault for causing unintentional
offense? And that if a brother or sister
IS indeed offended, that that is an issue they must deal with through
forgiveness and unconditional love?
But let's continue ...
What does scripture say about insult?
Nothing. The word
is not translated in the whole of the Bible.
Disrespect?
Nope.
Courtesy:
Ephesians
4:29
Let no
corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building
up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians
4:32
Be kind
to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave
you.
Matthew
7:12 ESV /
So
whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the
Law and the Prophets.
What, then, is the conclusion?
First understanding would be that if the one
making the offending statement had not intended to cause harm, they are,
essentially without fault. The one
taking offense should look within themselves for the cause of that perceived
offense and use it as an opportunity to forgive and express love in its purest
form. Finally, there IS an answer in
scripture for modern, everyday events and it is a wonderful mediator for just
these types of conflicts.
2
Timothy 3:16
All
Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for
correction, and for training in righteousness,
Acts
5:29
But Peter
and the apostles answered, We must obey God rather than men.
2
Corinthians 10:3-5
For
though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For
the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to
destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised
against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,
